Manic Monday #66

I'd like to think I am adult at age 31 - but apparently I am not adult enough to remember to purchase coffee when I am at the grocery store over the weekend.

The green highlighter is the most elusive color of highlighters.

Kudos to the building I work in for finally turning the heat on.  In April. To 180 degrees. Pretty sure all the females (and probably the males) though they were going through the change of life.

A coworker and I were trying to figure out if hand sanitizer goes bad. What prompted the discussion was I used the bottle of hand sanitize on my desk for the first time in about 5 years and it was so potent it burned my eyes. It might not be as harsh if it was mixed with some tonic and a slice of lime.

Thank god the office was practically empty when I was scared by the life size statue in my company's lobby. Me squealing and jumping a foot into the air would have knocked a few points of my intimidation factor. 

I like that I have to do division to figure out how many vacation days I have this year since our payroll site gives it to me in hours instead of days.  (Please note the sarcasm - it's weird to see you have 170.5 hours of PTO for the year.)

Today is April 15th - the day you have to have your taxes done by. I don't understand why the lines are always so long at the post office on this day. It's not a surprise that you have to have them done by today, why did you wait? You should have been like me and downloaded the Turbo Tax app last night at about 10:00 p.m. while scurrying around like a madwoman trying to find your W2. 

~ The Office Scribe

Spring Awakening (Not The Musical, That Was Horrible)

It's that blessed time of year when animals across the northern hemisphere yawn and stretch and start to come out of their hibernation.

I am one of those animals, except the unseasonably cold weather in the Chicagoland area is making it a little difficult. Seriously - last year by this time I had a tan. This year I am still sleeping in a bed with flannel sheets.

But technically it is Spring and I have had the urge to get back into my old habits, like doing laundry on a semi regular basis and continue to this blog. I haven't written in ages because I kinda fell off the creative bandwagon. Most of my energy has actually been focused on like family and friends and work, which I know is crazy.

Okay, so maybe not crazy crazy but crazy awesome, but I feel like there has been a little hole that can only be filled by returning to this blog.

So followers (if I have any left) I am back. I have a whole cache of thrilling new stories gathered from 8 hours a day spent in an office.

And I promise that is not as boring as it sounds.

~ The Office Scribe

Top Five 2013 Work Related Fears

5) I haven't been at work since December 21, 2012.  I am not sure if I will remember how to get to the office tomorrow.

4) All of the coffee pots will have been switched to decaf.

3) I'll lose my sweet window seat when they move my desk in a few weeks.  It's not so much the view I will miss, but the tree outside.  I figure of the office is ever attacked by ninjas jumping out onto that three might be my only means of escape.

2) That my company will institute a khaki/colored polo shirt dress code and I will never be able to walk into a Best Buy or Target again.

And my greatest fear...

1) That none of you remember who I am since I haven't posted in about 12 years...

Happy to be back in 2013.

~ The Office Scribe

The Lazarus Post

Okay, so comparing myself to someone who rose from the dead (and not in a sparkly vampire or flesh eating zombie kind of way) might be a little over the top - but then again I haven't posted since March so it isn't that far off either.

I'd like to apologize to my followers* (if I have any left) for my lack of posting.  I don't think I have gone this long without posting since I started to blog.  And I hate that.  So tomorrow, make sure you stop by for an all new Manic Monday post and every day after that for a new post.

~ The Office Scribe

* I know I still have one reader - my mom, who told me this weekend "you haven't blogged in a long time.  I am sick of looking at windmills." 

Windmill Fighting

I am not sure what really lead to this conversation, but the preferred form for fighting within my department is now Windmill Fighting.

While it might sound like a lost Kung Fu style, or like something out of a Cervates novel, it's much simpler than that.

Basically, you attack someone with flailing arms, much like a windmill, and hope that you eventually hit the intended target.

Sounds juvenile, but to quote South Park, "Simpson's did it".

* Bart is using the style on the left, while Lisa prefers another method.

So whenever someone is challenged about anything in my department, the other person invokes the following sentence:

Shall we settle this Windmill Style?

So far no one has actually taken anyone up on the challenge (possibly because someone in my department is 6'3" and has a reach much longer than anyone else...)

But one day, arguments will be settled this way.

I guarantee it.

~ The Office Scribe

Manic Monday #65

When someone answers the phone by saying "How may I direct your call?", do you really think they are the person to unload your life story on, or should you maybe just tell them who you want to talk to?

You know the day went by way too fast when you can't figure out what you actually did and realize you didn't take a lunch.

 

Chicago has been in the midst of some seriously awesome weather.  I mean, it's March and I am sporting some flip-flop tan lines already.  Anyway, it got really dark out today looked like a massive storm was going to come crashing down on my office.  The kind that kills the power and make co-workers huddle together in stairwells while cows go flying by the windows.  But the weather gods looked down on us in our cubicles and said, "No.  The nice weather shall continue".  Those bastard weather gods are awesome on the weekends but mean during the week.

Is it too soon to start planning April Fool's Day pranks?  Nope, I didn't think so.

BRACKET UPDATE: Okay, so I am really bad at picking teams in the Midwest, but am actually doing pretty solid in the other 3.  Everyone needs to go light a candle and pray that Indiana doesn't lose to Kentucky, because if they win I feel a lot more comfortable with my overall bracket.

~ The Office Scribe

NCAA Bracket Virgin

Now I am a girl who likes sports.  Need examples?  Of course you do.

1) I was a 3 season athlete in junior high - Volleyball, Basketball, and Softball.  Oh, except for 8th grade when I was a 3+ season athlete because in addition to Softball I also threw shot put for the track team (The track couch thought because I could throw a softball I could throw an 8lb. metal sphere.  It wasn't really the case...)

2) Like every child who was born from 1980 - 1983, the first dance I learned was the Super Bowl Shuffle.

And possibly the most telling example:

3) I witnessed Jim Thome hit his 500th home run.  While wearing a Jim Thome jersey.  On Jim Thome bobble head day.  And I cried like a baby as the fireworks went off over the ballpark.

But today I did something that I have never done before - I filled out an NCAA bracket.  Why?  Because I can't say no to some of my coworkers, that's why.

As I sat there, starring at the most complicated sports betting chart I have ever seen (horse racing doesn't count - that's an activity, not a sport) I was at a loss.  All around me coworkers were chatting about rankings and games and points and a bunch of other things that made me feel more out of the loop than an Amish kid at a iPad release party.

See, I didn't graduate from a college that was ever in the NCAA tournament.  Actually, my college didn't even have a sports team (unless you count ultimate frisbee... which I don't).  I guess that's what I get for going to an art school.

Which meant I had to come up with my own creative way of choosing which teams would advance throughout March Madness.

My solution - I chose teams based on the people in my life.  Namely, did I know anyone who went to that school?  If the answer was yes, I chose that team.  If no, I didn't.  When it came between two teams where I knew people who had attended both schools, I asked myself, "Who do I like more, as a person, not as a team?"

Scientific?  Nope.  Strategic?  Hardly.  Creative?  Hells yeah.

So here are a few of my picks explained, including who I think will take the whole thing.

Vanderbilt vs. Harvard
Does anyone actually know anyone that went to Harvard.  Well, okay, I kinda knew this guy one time who went there.  And I've been there on vacation.  But I had to go with Vandy because my friends little sister goes there and I have always had a fondness for the state of Tennessee.

Saint Mary's vs. Perdue
I picked Saint Mary's because my friend went there.  Then I found out later that the one in the tournament was in California and I was thinking it was the one in Minnesota.  Oops.

Marquette vs. BYU
I grew up in Chicago, which means I knew about a couple dozen people who headed north of the Cheddar Curtain and went to Marquette.  Plus, since Big Love has been cancelled, I don't think I can count on anything from Utah.

Kansas vs. Detroit
Remember when I mentioned I was quite the athlete in junior high?  Well my softball coach from way back then had a Kansas Jawhawk sticker on the back of her car because her daughter went there.  Ever since there I have always liked Kansas, though I am not sure if the school is in real Kansas or Kansas City...

Gonzaga vs. West Virginia
Okay, I don't know anyone that went to either one of these schools.  But come on, who the hell doesn't pick Gonzaga as a default based on the name alone?

And to take it all, I picked:

I know, kinda of a long shot, but I like the long shots.  Plus a coworker and my cousin both went there, it's relatively close to Chicago, and their team is called the Hoosiers, which according to Wikipedia, no one can really explain the origin of...

So wish me luck in my NCAA endeavours.  I'll keep you updated here and on Twitter as to how I am doing.

~ The Office Scribe